Rabu, 08 Agustus 2012

No Such Thing

Kinda not sure how to begin this post. Barusan gue buka blog temen gue, dan tiba-tiba gue keinget sama kalimat gue sendiri yang gue kasih ke dia. "There will always be the end of everything, even friendship." Dan sekarang gue menjadi bukti dari kalimat gue sendiri. I lost 2 best friends of mine. Gue bahkan jadi ragu sebenernya definisi best friend itu apa. Sahabat itu apa? Apa iya ada yang namanya mantan sahabat?

Di blog gue, cuma ada 2 orang yang temen gue yang pernah gue bikin masing-masing 1 post. And you know what? Now we're strangers. Entah gimana awalnya jadi kaya gini. I used to be like, so so so close with them. Sekarang kita bahkan belom tentu saling sapa kalo ketemu di sekolah. Sedih? Ya iya. Tapi gue lebih ngerasa aneh. Bikin jadi mikir, ini salah siapa? Ato sebenernya emang nggak ada yang salah?

Inget banget, dulu kehilangan orang-orang yang deket sama gue itu adalah sesuatu yang bener-bener bikin down. Bikin ngerasa gue adalah cuma sendiri. Tapi lama-lama, mikir juga, buat apa temenan kalo nanya "lo kenapa?" itu cuma jadi sebuah rasa ingin tahu, bukan bentuk kepedulian. Buat apa temenan kalo ngobrol itu cuma jadi sebuah rutinitas, bukan sesuatu yang emang pengen dilakuin. Buat apa temenan kalo curhat itu cuma jadi sebuah formalitas, bukna karna emang pengen berbagi. People come and go. Toh they are fine without me, so do I. Selama kita sama-sama seneng tanpa perlu disebut "sahabat", kenapa nggak?

Sekarang gue sadar kalo pertemanan itu masalah nyaman ato nggak nyaman. Kalo udah nggak nyaman, ya cari yang baru. Pinter-pinternya lo aja cari temen. Ya kalo harus kehilangan temen...................gotta deal with it. Best friends forever itu somehow belom pernah gue temuin. Bersyukur aja sekarang punya banyak temen yang bisa diajak cerita, bisa diajak ketawa, bisa dimintain tolong, dll. Selama lo bisa ngerasa nyaman dan bikin temen lo ngerasa nyaman, lebih dari cukup kok.

God sends friends so that you know you're not alone. They may go, but new friends will always come. Be thankful for those who are still there for you.

Btw, ini bukan sesuatu yang bikin gue harus ngerasa sedih banget-banget kok. Cukup sedih-sedihnya. Bukannya nggak merasa memiliki, tapi sedih melulu udah capek. Masih punya Cic, Mike, Anes, DAN BANYAK LAGI :-)


@ynnrajagukguk 

Rabu, 01 Agustus 2012

Time Machine

I wish I had a time machine. Trying to go back to the time when things are beautiful. When being happy is so common in my life. When being sad is just another issue. I know I've been here. But I never thought I'd fall into the same hole.

I wish I had a time machine. Back to the time when that stupid thought hadn't come. When that mistake hadn't been done. The mistake I made. The mistake causing me to lose you.

I know we're not perfect. All I know is that I feel happy whenever I'm around you. How stupid I was, once thinking about being happy without you. Well yes, call me a foolish. Call me a jerk, for dumping you and now writing this. Call me a coward for not having any courageous to say even a word to you about this.

I thought being "just friends" is better. But I guess your theory about relationship is true. The only feeling I have now is the insecure feeling, afraid if I have to lose you because of this effin' teenager thing.

I don't know if I have any right to say this. I'm just wishing if I could have a time machine, hoping things would be good. Again.